‘It is always a good idea to learn from the past, but not always to dwell on it’ . Babette Rothschild
Often, we don’t really know what it is that is wrong, we just know we don’t feel ok, or are not happy with our behaviours and relationships and we’d like to do and feel better. We might also know exactly why we are feeling and behaving in certain ways, but can’t find a way through it on our own. Being human is complex and often confusing, and sometimes we need the compassion and connection of another, who is fully with us, and not judging us, to work through this. Within the safety and support of this trusted other, we can begin to be curious and enquire within to find meaning in what lies beneath the suffering and discomfort.
I can offer you this compassionate support, and the safety to be more curious about the person you are. This can shed light on the ways you behave, and the impact this has in your life, freeing you to make helpful changes towards becoming the ‘you’ you’d like to be.
As a therapist, I am not here to ‘fix’ you or give you magical answers no-one else has; therapy is a process where we work together to be curious and explore your inner world in order to shift the ‘stuff’ that might have held you back, or be in the way of your day-to-day life now. This collaborative process can help you to move forward in your life with a better understanding of yourself and your motivations, and a renewed outlook, potentially leading to a more free and meaningful life.
According to Gabor Mate, ‘every dysfunctional human behaviour, is an attempt to escape suffering’, be that addiction, repression/suppression, avoidance, busyness, depression, anxiety, or whatever we find to ease our pain.
I believe that we all hold the key to our own recovery, whatever difficulty we are facing, no matter how big or small. By working alongside you, with whatever it is that you might be struggling with, I hope to help you discover some of the answers you may be looking for through compassionate inquiry.
As a relational integrative therapist, I bring my whole self and all that encompasses to our therapy, and adapt my approach uniquely to you and whatever you are bringing to work through. I aim to be attuned to you and your story, working creatively and intuitively to ensure that you feel heard and understood. To be heard, sometimes for the first time, can be transformative for us. For me, the relationship created within therapy is often the most important part of this process.
I may not have been through exactly the same lived experience as you have, but I will try very hard to understand how it feels for you to have done so.
‘The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice’ R D Laing
Together we can work to gradually uncover the internalised beliefs and deep-rooted feelings that may be guiding unhelpful emotional responses; that we are too sensitive, too cold, too much, not enough, unlovable, unworthy, bad, or wrong in some way. I hope to work with you to recognise patterns and triggers which may be at play in making you feel the way you feel.
Having deeper understanding and awareness can lead to changes in our internal thinking to allow us to move forward as the person we want to be – more present and connected in our lives. We can look beyond the ‘presenting issue’ and begin to heal the wounds that lay beneath, so that you can go on to live your life more fully without the restrictions of your past getting in your way.
We can begin with a call to talk things through and see how it feels from there.
I work with the person, not just the 'issue', so I am happy to discuss whatever it might be you are struggling with and see if we both feel that we are a good fit and we could work together. Here are some issues I have experience of working with:
- Anxiety and Depression
- Relationship problems, including sexual and intimacy issues
- Disordered Eating
- Sexual Abuse/Sexual Trauma
- Identity/Gender/Sexuality
- Anger /Emotional Issues
- Developmental Trauma
- Grief and Bereavement/Loss
- Work-related issues
- Behavioural Issues
- Life stages: Childhood trauma, Divorce, Menopause, Health Issues, Ageing, dying, and more.
- Family issues
Fees & Availability
Cancellation Policy
If less than 24 hours notice is given of cancellation then the full fee will be charged. Exceptions may apply if unavoidable.
Availability:
- Flexible working hours – Tuesday to Friday, face to face and online.
How Can Counselling Help?
Like choosing to see a chiropractor if our back is painful and stiff and causing us difficulties in our day to day life, or a doctor if we have a medical issue, counselling is just another form of therapy to try to ease something that is causing us discomfort or dis-ease of some kind.
People often find that by sharing their struggles and talking to a trained counsellor or therapist, who is there with them, and for them, in a way no one else can be, they feel ‘better’, or ‘soothed’ in some way. In my experience, both as a therapist and a client, it can be immensely hard, or even seem impossible to reach out to connect to another person at our most vulnerable. But being with someone who is purely with us, compassionately, and without judgement, to hear, see, and hold us in a way we have probably not experienced before (with friends, family, colleagues, or partners), can be literally life changing. This may seem counter-intuitive, but evidence shows that it is rare for someone to go to therapy and not find some benefit from it.
The therapeutic relationship and the space it provides each week to focus purely on us and how we feel may seem daunting and overwhelming, even a little self-obsessed for some; but it is the first step to feeling better. By addressing all the ‘stuff’ we may have tried to push aside – sometimes through our whole life, we can start to make sense of our relationships – with partners, parents, children, work, food, alcohol, drugs, over-achieving, or whatever it is that holds us back. Therapy isn’t something which ‘fixes’ us, but it can help to give us the tools and understanding we need to move forward in our lives more positively, with a better sense of connection to ourselves and others.
What Some of My Clients Say
Your Questions Answered
Essentially, we can’t know until we try – it’s not for everyone, and will probably not be beneficial if you feel resistant to it, but the vast majority of people attending therapy find it helpful and worthwhile. It can even be transformative in my personal experience, so maybe it’s worth finding out.
Finding the right therapist is key to the successful outcomes of your therapy. I suggest contacting 2 or 3 different therapists and having a phone call or taster session to see if it feels right. I offer a free 30-minute conversation to all clients so that we can talk through how it might be to work together; what to expect, how it might feel, and what you might want from the therapy. Because I believe that the relationship we develop together in therapy is integral to the work, it is vital that we both have a chance to see how it feels for us to talk.
This really depends on the issue that you are bringing – some things take longer to work through than others. Sometimes we have a lifetime of ‘stuff’ to unpack with our therapist and this is not a quick fix. Therapy is not a one size fits all process. It can be weeks, months, or even years. Sometimes people have several weeks of therapy and then have a break to put what they have learned into practice before coming back again. Some people have 6-10 sessions and feel that’s enough and they feel ok in the world again. It really is up to you – how you want to work and what you want to get from the process.
It is a common fear that having therapy and bringing everything up to talk through will make you feel worse, not better. It can be that we do feel a little unsettled initially; we’re usually looking at difficult emotions and feelings and, often, the past and all that might hold. The saying ‘you need to get through it to get to the other side’ has some truth, but this usually doesn’t last for long and, ultimately the majority of clients feel so much better, if not transformed by their experience. If you do feel overwhelmed by the process, it is important to communicate this to your therapist so that you can work together to lessen the discomfort, and find ways to create a less overwhelming space to work in.
“Good help is help towards self-help. All other help is intrusion…..it is better to teach the hungry to fish, than to feed him or her a fish.” – Ben Falk
In other words, you are the expert on you and all that holds, the therapist is there to be curious with you about what it is that has made you who you are, and what it might be that is causing you discomfort or difficulty. My personal therapy style offers an authentic, empathic, and compassionate presence; I bring myself and all that enfolds to the work I do with my clients. I work creatively and intuitively to ensure that I am attuned to each individual clients needs allowing them to feel safe, heard, and understood. I bring many tools to my work – if a client struggles to connect to their emotions – I can work with mediums that might suit them, such as music, songs, art, films, games, whatever feels helpful and relevant. I have completed many further training courses in other areas such as CBT, trauma informed therapy, body therapy and much more. However, often, what I find the most helpful for clients, is simply to be with them in a way no one else is, attuned entirely to them and their world while they work through whatever it is they need to work through.
I believe that the patterns of attachment in early life play a key role in our present-day emotional lives. The affects of our earliest attachments (be it with parents, family, friends, pets, or things) present themselves in our emotional responses, echoing through our relationships in adolescence and adulthood, as our unhelpful learned patterns play out. This can leave us feeling that something is wrong with us; we might feel unheard, lost, or confused by our own feelings; we might wonder why our relationships with others are difficult, unsatisfying, or fall apart. We are often unaware of the core beliefs about ourselves (usually rooted in childhood experience) which may be influencing everything in the present. We might also struggle with other kinds of relationships; to food, alcohol, drugs, work, or to ourselves. Making sense of these patterns and our responses to things can be extremely helpful; in unpicking our current thoughts and behaviours, understanding their foundations and thinking of new, better, ways to move forward, we can feel freer to explore a new way of being.